HIGH SCHOOL CHEERLEADERS ARE NAUGHTY

Two assistant coaches were fired at Goshen (OHIO!) High School after the picture above -- sans smiley faces -- surfaced on the Internet. An assistant football coach hosted a party that provided alcohol to minors, where the assistant cheerleading coach (left) posed for a topless photo with a 15-year-old freshman on her squad.

[Superintendent Charlene] Thomas says the school board today fired 19-year-old assistant coach Andrew Emerson for hosting a party and 19-year-old freshman cheerleader coach Victoria Schattauer for allegedly providing alcohol to a freshman at the party.

Um, I'm not sure who hired a couple of 19-year-olds to be in charge of high school kids, but I'm pretty positive they were never 19. Just about every 19-year-old I've ever known has two purposes in life: getting drunk, and getting other people drunk so they can sleep with them. Not exactly the kind of people you want in charge of 15-year-old girls in full bloom. You need someone more mature and refined. Someone who's lived a little. Someone who's served his country with honor, and now runs a sports blog. Sleep well, America: your 15-year-old cheerleaders are safe in my care.